Archive for April 21st, 2009



So there’s been lots of talk about pirates in the news. Pirates have seized a total of 14 American vessels in the past weeks. Screw the war on terrorism, we just entered the war on piratism. But no seriously, Pirates are making a come back.
Now don’t get confused, these are new-aged Somalian pirates. I understand there may be some doubt involved since we’ve only recently been using “pirate” to describe collegians who download content illegally off the Internet and scraggly actor Johnny Depp. I mean seriously, pirates? You might as well have reported American tourists being attacked by ninjas.

It doesn’t really matter because President Obama made an executive decision and had troops shot to kill in order to save the captives on Maersk Alabama. I’m a pacifist but I was pretty impressed to hear that our guys snuck on the ship and sniped out three of the pirates. Obama came through once again showing he is not afraid to make such decisions. Jack Sparrow wasn’t answering his calls and he was busy buying a puppy for Sasha and Malia, so he gave the orders. So go America! We are as good at kicking pirate ass as an immortal child in tight green pants.

Peter Pan V.s. Captain Hook

Peter Pan V.s. Captain Hook

The pirate attacks have continued none-the-less. Truthfully we should of fixed up Somalia back in the 90s when Bill Clinton was still president. The continent of Africa is an unbelievable disatraf#^*. (I should really trademark that.) I personally hope this will work as a wake up call. We’ve been acting like world police but we always seem to neglect Africa. Hell maybe we are the world police, racial profiling and all. I really hope this helps bring our attention to other things like Darfur. I am usually against America interfering in other countries affairs, but Africa really needs our help. They have descended into chaos and are ages behind us…Which is why they still have pirates.